The Pridelets Files for October 28

On this day in 1935, The New York Times has great news for all of you "women suffering from masculine psychological states" (and/or lesbians). Some of your type have been "cured" when one of your obviously "overfunctioning" adrenal glands is surgically removed. And after this no-doubt costly quack procedure is performed you'll no longer have an "aversion to marrying" someone of the opposite sex. God bless science-ness!

BIRTHGAYS (and the occasional straights)
* 1561 - English philosopher, statesman, spy, Freemason and essayist Francis Bacon
* 1754 - Revolutionary War soldier and statesman John Laurens
* 1897 - Hollywood costume designer (and "They Might Be Giants" lyric inspiration) Edith Head
* 1903 - "Brideshead Revisited" author and satirist Evelyn Arthur St. John Waugh
* 1856 - Artist Anna Elizabeth Klumpke
* 1903 - Novelist Evelyn Waugh,
* 1909 - Artist Francis Bacon

Q.UOTE
"I came out to myself when I was 21, a junior at the Academy. I became involved with another guy at the Academy — so involved, in fact, that I decided to call my parents and tell them I was sleeping with a guy. My mother asked, 'Is this something you think you want to keep doing again and again, or is it just a phase?' 'I think I want to do it again and again,' I replied. My dad then said, 'If that's the case, you're probably gay.' I asked them if that was all right and they told me, 'Of course it is.' Basically, my parents told me I was gay." -- Reality show winner, and boyband singer boyfriend, Reichen Lehmkuhl

THE BEDSIDE TABLE
"The Way Out: The Gay Man's Guide To Freedom No Matter If You're In Denial, Closeted, Half In, Half Out, Just Out Or Been Around The Block" by Christopher Lee Nutter

Christopher Lee Nutter came out of the closet in 1994 with a bang in a brutally honest essay for Details magazine, thrusting him into the spotlight as an unofficial mentor to gay men across the country.
Twelve years later in this edgy memoir, Nutter chronicles his journey from closeted Southern boy to gay New York bartender and party boy, sharing everything he's learned about how gay men are taught to see themselves in a fundamentally destructive way. Assaulted with programming from the "gay" and "straight" worlds alike, gay men are left to ask themselves, Am I the coolest, sexiest, trendiest thing ever, or an illegitimate cancer on society?
Nutter contests that gay men are neither, but rather conscious beings on the path to realizing that they have the power to create their lives according to their own will rather than the will of the world, or the illusion of their fears. Part memoir, part philosophy, The Way Out gives tools tailored to the reality of gay men's daily existence--whether it's in the boardroom, the bedroom or the steam room--so that they can connect to this power, and in the process, discover the love, freedom and happiness they long for and deserve.

This work is copyright© 2006 Thomas Allen Heald, all rights reserved. Contact the author at tom@idontgetit.org and the latest column are always available at www.Pridelets.com.

The Pridelets Files for October 27

On this day in 1903, Sigmund Freud writes in the Viennese newspaper, "Die Zeit," that "I am . . . of the firm conviction that homosexuals must not be treated as sick people, for a perverse orientation is far from being a sickness. Would that not oblige us to characterize as sick many great thinkers and scholars of all times, whose perverse orientation we know for a fact and whom we admire precisely because of their mental health? Homosexual persons are not sick."

BIRTHGAYS (and the occasional straights)
* 1466 - Christian Humanist Desiderius Erasmus
* 1846 - English writer Katherine Harris Bradley, (co-holder of the pseudonym "Michael Field")
* 1926 - "Applesauce" author June Arnold

Q.UOTE
"You're grown up and you've made your own life and made your own family with your lover. Your parents are in the background. Don't make them the foreground. Let them be vaguely benevolent figures whom you maintain a sweet but distant connection to and let them think whatever they think and feel what they feel. Be grateful for what you have and don't worry about them until it's time to pick out a nursing home. And then find one that's staffed by gay guys." -- How to deal with homophobic parents, from Garrison Keillor

THE BEDSIDE TABLE
"Under The Rainbow: An Intimate Memoir Of Judy Garland, Rock Hudson & My Life In Old Hollywood" by John Carlyle

Actor John Carlyle got his big break in 1954. New to Hollywood, the twenty-three-year-old Carlyle was cast as the assistant director of the movie-within-a-movie in George Cukor's A Star Is Born. Although Carlyle's scene was later cut from the film--and his star status subsequently never materialized--the job brought him in touch with Judy Garland, who up until her death fifteen years later was Carlyle's friend and sometime lover. Under The Rainbow tells the story of this rocky but beloved relationship. No longer the great star who first enthralled Carlyle as an adolescent, Garland--like many former headliners in the 1960s--lived an often desperate, hand-to-mouth existence that was eased only by pills and liquor. She turned to Carlyle for support, even with the hope of marrying the openly gay actor. He politely declined the opportunity of matrimony, but remained constant in his adoration of the star for the rest of his life.
The author takes us on a rare, behind-the-scenes tour of gay Hollywood, with an intimate, often hilarious, star-studded memoir of the decline and end of old Hollywood.

This work is copyright 2006 Thomas Allen Heald, all rights reserved. Contact the author at tom@idontgetit.org and the latest column are always available at www.Pridelets.com.

The Pridelets Files for October 26

On this day in 2005, Olympic gold medalist, and WNBA Houston Comets forward Sheryl Swoopes comes out of the closet in the pages of ESPN Magazine. Says Swoopes, "My reason for coming out isn't to be some sort of hero. I'm just at a point in my life where I'm tired of having to pretend to be somebody I'm not. I'm tired of having to hide my feelings about the person I care about, about the person I love, (former basketball player and Houston Comets assistant coach Alisa Scott). Discovering I'm gay just sort of happened much later in life. Being intimate with her or any other woman never entered my mind. At the same time, I'm a firm believer that when you fall in love with somebody, you can't control that."

So a female basketball player coming out is supposed to shock us? "The talk about the WNBA being full of lesbians is not true. There are as many straight women in the league as there are gay. What really irritates me is when people talk about football, baseball and the NBA, you don't hear all of this talk about the gay guys playing. But when you talk about the WNBA, then it becomes an issue. Sexuality and gender don't change anyone's performance on the court."

BIRTHGAYS (and the occasional straights)
* 1919 - Reza Shah Pahlavi, shah of Iran
* 1932 - Activist Donn Teal, author of "The Gay Militants: How Gay Liberation Began in America, 1969-1971"
* 1950 - Freelance writer Edward Guthman coiner of the phrase "Castro clones"
* 1954 - Author and critic Adam Mars-Jones

Q.UOTE
"I love Christians who tell me something sweet and Christian, like, 'You're going to hell!' It's not hard for me to picture gay hell. 'The scorching wind from the fiery pit messed up my hair, there's no mousse? No blow-dryer? This is hell! There's nothing on TV but Hee Haw. My furniture is from Levitz! I'm living in a trailer park! Aaaah!'" -- Danny McWilliams

THE BEDSIDE TABLE
"That Undeniable Longing: My Road To And From The Priesthood" by Mark Tedesco

This fascinating memoir begins with the author leaving his home in California at the age of nineteen to enter a seminary on the outskirts of Rome. The seminary has a resident "saint" who is later discovered to be far more human than spiritual. The author struggled to be faithful to his commitment by suppressing his emotional needs, and thought about changing his life, but eventually ended up at the North American College, the premier American seminary at the Vatican. Sexual identity became an issue for him and many other within the seminary walls. This identity crisis reflected a greater conflict between the spiritual and the human: could he be a truly spiritual person while he was at war with himself? Mark Tedesco entered the seminary in 1978, was ordained in 1988 and served in the priesthood until 1994. But he slowly began to realize that in order to be a complete person, he would have to leave the priesthood and find his own way. He finally understood what it meant to embrace all of his past, all of his experiences, both good and bad. He came to accept that the flesh and the spirit do not have to be at war. This is the engrossing story of the one man's struggle with himself and the church, resulting in a redemptive happiness and peace. It deals with such questions as the search for meaning, spirituality versus humanity, faith in God and being gay. It is very timely, especially now that the Vatican has begun to investigate gays in seminaries.

This work is copyright© 2006 Thomas Allen Heald, all rights reserved. Contact the author at tom@idontgetit.org and the latest column are always available at www.Pridelets.com.

The Pridelets Files for October 25

On this day in 1999, opening statements begin in the trial of Aaron McKinney for the murder of Matthew Shepard.

Defense lawyers Jason Tangeman and Dion Custis insists that their client acted in both self defense and "gay panic."

After gay "predator" Matt Shepard, seduced them into giving him a ride home from the bar (lying about his intentions and even giving them a fake address), he started putting the moves on the McKinney and Russel Henderson. Says Tangeman, "Matthew Shepard grabbed Aaron McKinney's genitals and licked his ear and at that point his past trauma’s bubbled up inside him and fueled by drugs and alcohol in his own words 'he left his body. ... I don't know what happened. I blacked out. I felt possessed. It was like I left my body. It's like I could see what was going on, but somebody else was doing it, I didn't intend to kill him. I just hit him too hard."

While the defense paints its case with the blood of the "deviant" Shepard -- (McKinney was acting logically as he had been bullied by gays since the age of 5) --
the prosecution reponds that their case will not focus on Shepard's orientation. "It will simply be about the pain, suffering and death of Matthew Shepard at the hands of the defendant, Aaron James McKinney."

BIRTHGAYS (and the occasional straights)
* 1894 - Surrealist, writer and photographer "Claude Cahun" (AKA Lucy Schwob). Cahun profiled the trials of Oscar Wilde for a French publication.
* 1948 - Lexicologist, archivist, poet, and fiction author Paul Trachtenberg
* 1985 - New Hampshire's Citizen's Alliance for Gay and Lesbian Rights

Q.UOTE
"Doy gracias a Dios por ser gay." ("I give thanks to God that I'm gay.") -- Fr. José Mantero

THE BEDSIDE TABLE
"So Hard to Say" by Alex Sanchez

Frederick is the shy new boy, and Xio is the bubbly chica who lends him a pen on the first day of class. They become fast friends -- but when Xio decides she wants to be more than friends, Frederick isn't so sure. He loves hanging out with Xio and her crew, but he doesn't like her that way. Instead he finds himself thinking more and more about Victor, the captain of the soccer team. But does that mean Frederick's gay? He hopes not -- he sees how everyone makes fun of Iggy, a boy all the other kids think is gay. Frederick has to deal with some tough choices: Even though he is curious about Iggy, he's just started fitting in at his new school, and he doesn't want to lose Xio, his best friend.
In So Hard to Say, Alex Sanchez, acclaimed author of the groundbreaking novels Rainbow High and Rainbow Boys, of which School Library Journal said, "It can open eyes and change lives," helps younger readers look at self-discovery, come to terms with being gay, and accept people who are different from them.

This work is copyright© 2006 Thomas Allen Heald, all rights reserved. Contact the author at tom@idontgetit.org and the latest column are always available at www.Pridelets.com.

The Pridelets Files for October 24

On this day in 1985, from the desk of Defense Secretary Caspar Weinberger comes the order to begin the largest AIDS test ever, all told a $20 million effort to "medically retire" officers thus "cleansing" the US military of the HIV+ and severly immune compromised.

BIRTHGAYS (and the occasional straights)
* 51 A.D. - Roman emperor Domitian (Titus Flavius Domitianus)
* 1796 - German poet August von Platen (AKA Karl August Georg Maximilian Graf von Platen-Hallermünde)
* 1904 - playwright and director Moss Hart
* 1939 - Native American poet, novelist and critic Paula Gunn Allen
* 1947 - Gay-for-pay "In & Out" actor Kevin Kline
* 1960 - Tony and Drama Desk Award winning actor and adoptive father B.D. (Bradley Darryl) Wong
* 1969 - Award-winning Irish writer Emma Donoghue

Q.UOTE
"Comedy is a very serious thing. In the kissing scene, Kevin Kline was a kind of Doris Day to Tom Selleck's Rock Hudson. It had to be a big kiss, and we had to cast two famous movie stars in it or it wouldn't have worked. It was filmed by a roadside, outside. These people drove by and threw on the brakes to see Tom Selleck and Kevin Kline. 'What the hell kind of movie is this?' they asked. Someone waved them on and, I hope, told them to buy a ticket.'' -- "In & Out" director Frank Oz

THE BEDSIDE TABLE
"Serious Adverse Events: An Uncensored History of AIDS" by Celia Farber
At an April 1984 press conference, government researchers announced that the cause of AIDS--the disease then terrifying the nation as if it were a Biblical scourge--was a "retrovirus" called HIV.
Many scientists, including two Nobel winners, said it wasn't possible. But they were quickly drowned out by the ecstatic response from activists, government-funded researchers, a relieved public and, especially, the pharmaceutical industry, which quickly offered a treatment for HIV--a drug called called AZT. Within four years, the entire first group of AZT test subjects was dead.
But the idea that HIV caused AIDS became so entrenched that international policy was being based on it, while big pharma raked in billions. Scientists who disagreed found themselves ostracized, their funding cut off. Journalist who raised questions were subject to vicious attacks from politicians and activists.
Celia Farber has covered the tumultuous story in all its facets for over 20 years, including: disastrous National Institutes of Health drug tests on mothers and children in Africa, Tennessee and New York City; extensive interviews with blacklisted researchers and scientific dissidents such as Berkeley's Peter Duseberg and NIH renegade Jonathan Fishbein; and reporting from South Africa on the influence of pharmaceutical companies on foreign aid and policy.
It is an astonishing and largely unknown story, and in Serious Adverse Events, Farber chronicles the entire history of AIDS, its triumphs and its failures, with astonishing research and mind-opening candor.

This work is copyright© 2006 Thomas Allen Heald, all rights reserved. Contact the author at tom@idontgetit.org and the latest column are always available at www.Pridelets.com.

The Pridelets Files for October 23

On this day in 1977, the Los Angeles praises the power of the "Save Our Children" campaign against the homos of Florida: "Anita Bryant's campaign uses Hitler's tactics." Oh wait, that's not a compliment.

BIRTHGAYS (and the occasional straights)
* 1918 - Architect Paul Rudolph
* 1923 - composer Ned Rorem
* 1954 - Oscar winning heterosexual "Brokeback Mountain" director Ang Lee

Q.UOTE
"There is probably no heterosexual alive who is not preoccupied with his latent homosexuality." -- Norman Mailer

THE BEDSIDE TABLE
"Same Sex In The City: So Your Prince Charming Is Really A Cinderella" by Lauren Levin and Lauren Blitzer
At last, a relationship book for lesbians that tells it like it is...
The journey from sexual curiosity to finally coming out can be confusing without proper guidance and empowering role models. In Same Sex In The City, Lauren Levin and Lauren Blitzer provide women--gay, straight, and bi-curious alike--with firsthand insight into the advantages and challenges of being a lesbian. In prose that is at once honest and uplifting, the Laurens relate their own experiences and those of the women they interview, as well as offer serious advice, titillating anecdotes, and a positive attitude for girls who know they're gay--and for those who are wondering about their sexuality but are not yet sure whether their Prince Charming is really a Cinderella.
Part confessional, part informational, Same Sex In The City covers the gamut of lesbian life--from dating to heartbreak, and from hooking up with straight chicks to raising a family. It's the book that millions of women have been searching for--a relationship guide that will help every woman come to terms with and celebrate her sexuality, whatever it may be.

This work is copyright© 2006 Thomas Allen Heald, all rights reserved. Contact the author at tom@idontgetit.org and the latest column are always available at www.Pridelets.com.

The Pridelets Files for October 22

On this day in 1998, "With grief we must tell you that as long as you are living as a homosexual, you, of course, would not be welcome on the campus and would be arrested for trespassing if you did visit," announces a letter from the dean of students to graduates of Greenville, South Carolina's Bob Jones University. Once it's revealed that the Religious Right colleges' threat threatens their tax exempt status, they do relent and allow grads access to the school's art museum.

BIRTHGAYS (and the occasional straights)
* 1844 - French actress / diva Henriette Rosine Bernard AKA Sarah Bernhardt
* 1870 - Uranian poet Lord Alfred Bruce "Boise" Douglas, friend and lover to Oscar Wilde
* 1887 - American Communist poet John "Jack" Silas Reed
* 1925 - Abstract painter, sculptor, and graphic artist Robert Rauschenberg
* 1935 - Homoerotic, naturalistic artist Delmas Howe
* 1949 - Gay Insurgent founder, activist Daniel Tsang
* 1955 - "Kinsey" and "Dreamgirls" filmmaker and screenwriter William "Bill" Condon
* 1959 - Film, television and theatre composer, lyricist, arranger and performer Marc Shaiman

Q.UOTE
"It’s tragic that extremists co-opt the notion of God, and that hipsters and artists reject spirituality out of hand. I don’t have a fixed idea of God. But I feel that it’s us – the messed-up, the half-crazy, the burning, the questing – that need God, a lot more than the goody-two-shoes do." -- Mike Doughty

THE BEDSIDE TABLE
"Sons Of The Church: The Witnessing Of Gay Catholic Men" by Thomas Stevenson
"How can you be gay and Catholic?"
Sons Of The Church: The Witnessing Of Gay Catholic Men spotlights testimonials from over forty gay Catholic men to address this vexing question. This thoughtful, surprisingly reverent book is the answer for those gay readers who long for a religious connection, as well as for Catholic readers and those in pastoral positions who want and need to hear the stories of gay people firsthand. Dr. Thomas Stevenson, who received degrees from the University of Notre Dame, Boston College, and the Graduate Theological Union in Berkeley, analyzes the many dimensions of being gay and Catholic, at the same time providing a powerful and convincing criticism of Church teaching on homosexuality.

This work is copyright© 2006 Thomas Allen Heald, all rights reserved. Contact the author at tom@idontgetit.org and the latest column are always available at www.Pridelets.com.

The Pridelets Files for October 21

On this day in 1893, lesbians Freda Ward and Alice Mitchell find themselves as the covergirls on "The (New Orleans) Mascot." It's a less than complmentary article titled, "Good God! The Crimes of Sodom and Gomorrah Discounted -- a story of the love of two women-licentious, horrible love."

BIRTHGAYS (and the occasional straights)
* 1891 - Choreographer Ted Shawn
* 1917 - Pioneering gay activist William Dale Jennings
* 1929 - Sci fi / fantasy author Ursula K(roeber) Le Guinn
* 1933 - British author Maureen Duffy
* 1941 - "The Second Son" author Robert Ferro

Q.UOTE
"I used to feel so alone in the city. All those gazillions of people and then me, on the outside. Because how do you meet a new person? I was very stumped by this for many years. And then I realized, you just say, 'hi.' They may ignore you. Or you may marry them. And that possibility is worth that one word." -- Augusten Burroughs

THE BEDSIDE TABLE
" I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence" by Amy Sedaris
The charismatic and multi-talented Amy Sedaris is many things: actress, author, and yes, David Sedariss sister. Now, she takes on the world of entertaining in this blisteringly funny collection of bizarre tips, recipes and craft ideas (like mini pantyhose plant-hangers!) perfect for hosting an unforgettable fete. Your guests will rave.

This work is copyright© 2006 Thomas Allen Heald, all rights reserved. Contact the author at tom@idontgetit.org and the latest column are always available at www.Pridelets.com. Wishing peace, joy, love, harmony and strength to all of you.

Pridelets Extra: Sharon Underwood, behind the q.uote

The Advocate
June 20, 2000

A Vermont mother roars - mother of gay child speaks out against homophobia by Charles Kaiser

One of the reasons that Vermont became the first state to approve civil unions for gays and lesbians must surely be the presence of splendid citizens like Sharon Underwood of White River Junction. As the single mother of a gay son and two other children, Underwood had kept silent for years in the face of the "standard gay bashing" she heard whenever she went out with friends.

Even her coworkers at the housing manufacturing company where she works didn't know she had a gay child. But in April the anger that had been building up for more than two decades finally burst out of her when she wrote a brilliant 1,000-word polemic for her local paper, Valley News, in West Lebanon, N.H. The 50-year-old computer programmer had never written anything professionally before, but she suddenly discovered the amazing power of her own words.

Point by point Underwood disposed of every homophobic myth--beginning with the idea that sexual orientation is chosen--and she struck a gigantic chord. Two other New England papers immediately reprinted her article. Then someone E-mailed it to author and Democratic National Committee treasurer Andrew Tobias, and he posted it on his Web site. The headline read: "The Best Thing I've Read All Year." Gay activist Larry Kramer E-mailed it to dozens of friends, including playwright Arthur Laurents, and each of them E-mailed it to dozens more. Tobias also listed an E-mail address for Underwood, and within three weeks she had received 1,000 E-mails--every one of them favorable.

"I get home, and every night my answering machine is jammed," Underwood said. "It's wonderful, but it's exhausting. A Hawaii paper is reprinting it, the Anchorage [Alaska] paper is reprinting it, and I just got an E-mail from an Episcopalian minister in South Africa!" She wrote her piece for "every parent who supports a gay child. It's time this nonsense stops. These religious-right people are like the emperor who has no clothes. Who are they that we have to be afraid of them?"

Her letter describes the suicide note her son wrote when he was 17, but the story has a happy ending: Her son, Ian LaRose, is now 28 and living happily in Boston with a boyfriend. "He has found happiness," she said. He told her that the only thing he regretted was that her letter left the impression that "being homosexual is a regrettable thing--and it isn't. What's regrettable is what you have to go through to find the peace that you should have been able to have from the beginning."

Today, her son doesn't even remember the traumas of his childhood.

"But," his mother said, "Mom remembers."

===
(The Letter)
I've had enough of your anti-gay venom

Valley News
West Lebanon, New Hampshire

Sunday, April 30, 2000
Vermont debate brings out the haters
By SHARON UNDERWOOD

As the mother of a gay son, I've seen firsthand how cruel and misguided people can be.

Many letters have been sent to the Valley News concerning the homosexual menace in Vermont. I am the mother of a gay son and I've taken enough from you good people.

I'm tired of your foolish rhetoric about the "homosexual agenda" and your allegations that accepting homosexuality is the same thing as advocating sex with children. You are cruel and ignorant. You have been robbing me of the joys of motherhood ever since my children were tiny.

My firstborn son started suffering at the hands of the moral little thugs from your moral, upright families from the time he was in the first grade. He was physically and verbally abused from first grade straight through high school because he was perceived to be gay.

He never professed to be gay or had any association with anything gay, but he had the misfortune not to walk or have gestures like the other boys. He was called "fag" incessantly, starting when he was 6.

In high school, while your children were doing what kids that age should be doing, mine labored over a suicide note, drafting and redrafting it to be sure his family knew how much he loved them. My sobbing 17-year-old tore the heart out of me as he choked out that he just couldn't bear to continue living any longer, that he didn't want to be gay and that he couldn't face a life with no dignity.

You have the audacity to talk about protecting families and children from the homosexual menace, while you yourselves tear apart families and drive children to despair. I don't know why my son is gay, but I do know that God didn't put him, and millions like him, on this Earth to give you someone to abuse. God gave you brains so that you could think, and it's about time you started doing that.

No choice
At the core of all your misguided beliefs is the belief that this could never happen to you, that there is some kind of subculture out there that people have chosen to join. The fact is that if it can happen to my family, it can happen to yours, and you won't get to choose. Whether it is genetic or whether something occurs during a critical time of fetal development, I don't know. I can only tell you with an absolute certainty that it is inborn.

If you want to tout your own morality, you'd best come up with something more substantive than your heterosexuality. You did nothing to earn it; it was given to you. If you disagree, I would be interested in hearing your story, because my own heterosexuality was a blessing I received with no effort whatsoever on my part. It is so woven into the very soul of me that nothing could ever change it.

For those of you who reduce sexual orientation to a simple choice, a character issue, a bad habit or something that can be changed by a 10-step program, I'm puzzled. Are you saying that your own sexual orientation is nothing more than something you have chosen, that you could change it at will?

If that's not the case, then why would you suggest that someone else can?

A popular theme in your letters is that Vermont has been infiltrated by outsiders. Both sides of my family have lived in Vermont for generations. I am heart and soul a Vermonter, so I'll thank you to stop saying that you are speaking for "true Vermonters."

Principles?
You invoke the memory of the brave people who have fought on the battlefield for this great country, saying that they didn't give their lives so that the "homosexual agenda" could tear down the principles they died defending.

My 83-year-old father fought in some of the most horrific battles of World War II, was wounded and awarded the Purple Heart. He shakes his head in sadness at the life his grandson has had to live. He says he fought alongside homosexuals in those battles, that they did their part and bothered no one. One of his best friends in the service was gay, and he never knew it until the end, and when he did find out, it mattered not at all. That wasn't the measure of the man.

You religious folk just can't bear the thought that as my son emerges from the hell that was his childhood he might like to find a lifelong companion and have a measure of happiness. It offends your sensibilities that he should request the right to visit that companion in the hospital, to make medical decisions for him or to benefit from tax laws governing inheritance.

How dare he? you say. These outrageous requests would threaten the very existence of your family, would undermine the sanctity of marriage.

You use religion to abdicate your responsibility to be thinking human beings. There are vast numbers of religious people who find your attitudes repugnant. God is not for the privileged majority, and God knows my son has committed no sin.

The deep-thinking author of a letter to the April 12 Valley News who lectures about homosexual sin and tells us about "those of us who have been blessed with the benefits of a religious upbringing" asks: "What ever happened to the idea of striving . . . to be better human beings than we are?"

Indeed, sir, what ever happened to that?

(Sharon Underwood lives in White River Junction, Vt.)

The Pridelets Files for October 20

On this day in 1958, The New York Coast Guard "instruction" lists three jam-packed pages of NY, NJ and PA restaurants, bars, cafes and car dealerships that are officially restricted/"Out of Bounds" for all cadets and officers. From The Pirate Ship" and "The Entertainer's Club" to the "Swing Rendezvous," you'll find yourself facing the Joint Armed Forces Disciplinary Control Board if you head off in search of a gay 'ol time. Of course, since if seems you now have the names and addresses of all these hot spots ...

BIRTHGAYS (and the occasional straights)
* 1854 - Poet Jean-Nicolas-Arthur Rimbaud.
* 1858 - Swedish novelist and Nobel Laureate Selma Lagerlöf,
* 1924 - Victorian literature professor, author and poet Robert Peters
* 1927 - Northwest Homosexual Law Reform Committee co-founder Allan Horsfall

Q.UOTE
"For death, or life, or toil,
To thee myself I join;
I take thy hand in mine,
With thee I would grow old."
-- From an ancient Chinese wedding ceremony for male couples

THE BEDSIDE TABLE
"Gay Marriage: for Better or for Worse?: What We've Learned from the Evidence" by William N. Eskridge and Darren R. Spedale

Opponents of same-sex marriage in the United States often claim that allowing gays and lesbians to marry will lead to the downfall of the institution of marriage and will harm children. Drawing from 16 years of data and experience with same-sex unions in Scandinavia, Gay Marriage: For Better or for Worse? is the first book to present empirical evidence about the results of same-sex marriage (in the form of registered partnerships) from the Nordic countries. Spedale and Eskridge demonstrate that conservative defense-of-marriage arguments that predict negative effects from gay marriage are invalid, and the Scandinavian experience suggests that the institution of marriage may indeed benefit from the enactment of gay marriage. If we look at the proof from abroad, the authors argue, we must conclude that the sanctioning of gay marriage in the United States would neither undermine marriage as an institution, nor harm the wellbeing of our nation's children.

This work is copyright© 2006 Thomas Allen Heald, all rights reserved. Contact the author at tom@idontgetit.org and the latest column are always available at www.Pridelets.com.

The Pridelets Files for October 19

On this day in 1993, education leaders in Massachusetts announce that nearly a half a million dollars raised by a state cigarette tax will be used to fund anti-bullying programs aimed at reducing harassment of gay students.

BIRTHGAYS (and the occasional straights)
* 1433 - Philosopher Marsilio Ficino
* 1784 - Poet Leigh Hunt
* 1882 - Italian sculptor and painter Umberto Boccioni
* 1932 - Brady Bunch dad Robert Reed
* 1921 - Actor/writer George Nader
* 1946 - Glen Milstead aka the diva Divine
* 1945 - NOW's Patricia Ireland
* 1949 - "Nyla Wade" creator, mystery author Vicki P. McConnell

Q.UOTE
"In high school, while your children were doing what kids that ages should be doing, mine labored over a suicide note, drafting and redrafting it to be sure his family knew how much he loved them. My sobbing 17-year-old tore the heart out of me as he choked out that he just couldn't bear to continue living any longer, that he didn't want to be gay and that he couldn't face a life without dignity. You have the audacity to talk about protecting families and children from the homosexual menace, while you yourselves tear apart families and drive children to despair. I don't know why my son is gay, but I do know that God didn't put him, and millions like him, on this Earth to give you someone to abuse." -- Sharon Underwood

THE BEDSIDE TABLE
"Gay & Lesbian Parenting Choices: From Adopting or Using a Surrogate to Choosing the Perfect Father" by Brette McWhorter Sember

Creating a family is one of the greatest joys a couple can have, but gay and lesbian couples face unique challenges when they wish to become parents together. Gay & Lesbian Parenting Choices provides a complete explanation of the many ways gay or lesbian couples can create a family and the legal hoops they must jump through as part of the process. Written by an attorney in an-easy-to-understand style, this guide provides a comprehensive look at the options available to gay couples and offers advice and information on how best to proceed.
Different types of adoptions international, domestic agency, state agency, private, and facilitator-led are discussed, in addition to open versus closed adoptions. Special emphasis is paid to the considerations and concerns gay adoptive parents face, such as how to tell whether an agency is gay-friendly and whether both partners can adopt simultaneously or must use a two-part process. Advice is offered on finding an agency and dealing with the home study.
Gay & Lesbian Parenting Choices also considers the wide variety of assisted family-building choices, including donor sperm and insemination, egg donors and surrogates, as well as new technologies on the horizon. Consent laws, fertility procedures, choosing donors or surrogates, finding fertility clinics that are gay friendly, and advice about how to make sure your family is legally protected is also covered.
Other parenting options such as foster care and adopting your partner’s child are included, in addition to family protection measures such as wills and medical consents, getting cooperation from schools, finding support for your family, and talking about your family with your child.
This complete guide helps gay and lesbian prospective parents choose the path to parenthood that will work best for them and offers advice and support as they journey towards becoming a family.
This work is copyright© 2006 Thomas Allen Heald, all rights reserved. Contact the author at tom@idontgetit.org and the latest column are always available at www.Pridelets.com.

The Pridelets Files for October 18

On this day in 1997, lobbyist Dr. James Dobson tells ABC News reporter John Hockenberry that he doesn't regret sending out a fundraising letter from his Focus on the Family group/(industry) saying that women who insist on becoming college educated will likely become lesbians.

Hockenberry: "But can it cause lesbianism?"
Dobson: "I think it can encourage it, yeah."

BIRTHGAYS (and the occasional straights)
* 1660 - Duchess of Marlborough, Sarah Jennings Churchill (and lover of Queen Anne)
* 1663 - Lusty Austrian general Prince Eugene of Savoy
* 1753 - French revolutionary Jean Jacques Regis De Cambaceres
* 1777 - German author Heinrich von Kleist
* 1947 - Folk singer/songwriter goddess Laura Nyro (Laura Nigro)
* 1950 - Tony and the Pulitzer prize winning playwright and Cornell University professor-at-large Wendy Wasserstein
* 1953 - philanthropist Tim Gill
* 1956 - Tennis diva Martina Navratilova

Q.UOTE
"Did you read Holly Near's book? Let me save you the trouble. This is the most exciting sentence in the book: 'I feel like a lesbian when I'm making love to a woman.' Good, Holly! Well, the major difference between me and Holly Near is that I feel like a lesbian when I am BREATHING!" -- Lea DeLaria

THE BEDSIDE TABLE
"I Celebrate Myself: The Somewhat Private Life of Allen Ginsberg" by Bill Morgan

Published to coincide with the fiftieth anniversary of Howl, the first full biography of Allen Ginsberg—from birth to death
Allen Ginsberg was America’s most influential poet since World War II, a figure who was in the vanguard of every popular movement of that time, from the emergence of the Beat generation to the countercultural revolution to the interest in Eastern spirituality. In this new biography, the first since the poet’s death in 1997 and the only one to cover his entire life, Bill Morgan creates the most complete portrait to date of Ginsberg.
Drawing on his unparalleled access to Ginsberg’s inner circle as well as on the poet’s journals and correspondence, Morgan offers a revealing portrait of a complicated and flamboyant character. Ginsberg was a tenacious man who was driven by ambition and curiosity; he was plagued by self-doubt and always longed for acceptance and recognition. He also had a genius for living and networking and for expressing himself candidly; his love for freedom and equality was uncompromising. Morgan examines Ginsberg’s life and his tremendous impact on society from many different angles: his political views, his battles with censorship, and his approach to drugs. He also provides a more accurate picture than previously told of Ginsberg’s search for love (including his complex relationship with his lifelong partner, Peter Orlovsky) and of his involvement with Tibetan Buddhism. This definitive and engaging life of Ginsberg also includes a unique feature—it lists the titles of Ginsberg’s poems in the margins so that the reader can see exactly what he was writing at any point in his life.

This work is copyright© 2006 Thomas Allen Heald, all rights reserved. Contact the author at tom@idontgetit.org and the latest column are always available at www.Pridelets.com.

The Pridelets Files for October 17

On this day in 1998, the New York Times thinks it knows "The Lesson of Matthew Shepard."
"His death at the tender age of 21 has brought home to the American public as nothing else ever has the menace and hatred that homosexuals still face in being honest in the United States. His murder has brought out enough sneers, jokes, caricatures and graffiti on college campuses across the land to make it clear that bias against homosexuals is not just an attitude among young toughs like the two high school dropouts who have been charged with the killing. In a society in which fundamentalist religious leaders and prominent Republican politicians insist on castigating homosexuals as a threat, that bias is everywhere."

BIRTHGAYS (and the occasional straights)
1920 - Brooding hunk Montgomery Clift

Q.UOTE
"Maybe there are a group of gay banditos...who, every night climb into a van and go from village to dell, from community to community. They wander, and as the sun is coming down, just setting over a suburban village, the gays drive in. And there in a cul-de-sac, there in the light of a house, you can see a young American family, sitting down for their evening meal. And those gays, those gays, put on their masks and their festive colored robes, and sneak slowly into the house...and begin to (sodomize one another)! And another American family is destroyed." -- Lewis Black

NAUGHTY BITS
"Hot Chocolate #1" by Patrick Fillion

Patrick Fillion is at his absolute best, focusing on the color of cocoa. These are pictures of strong, well-developed men found in the dreams of many a gay man. In his typical style, Fillion draws us into a richly detailed world of beautiful men of color, including explicit close ups. These drawings are sure to please everyone, not just those interested in black pearls.

This work is copyright© 2006 Thomas Allen Heald, all rights reserved. Contact the author at tom@idontgetit.org and the latest column are always available at www.Pridelets.com.

The Pridelets Files for October 16

On this day in 1975, the Deputy Mayor of Los Angeles is caught being a civl servant (or perhaps just somebody's servant) during a raid of the city's gay porn theaters.

BIRTHGAYS (and the occasional straights)
* 1854 - Anglo-Irish playwright, novelist, poet, short story writer and icon Oscar Wilde
* 1928 - Scholar Mary Daly
* 1938 - "Gay" newspaper co-founder, and one of the founding fathers of the gay and lesbian liberation movement Jack Nichols
* 1945 - Author, poet, and activist Paul Monette
* 1971 - Author/anthologist Lawrence Schimel

Q.UOTE
"I discovered my own gayness, I realized it would make me an outsider in society. I began to identify with other groups of outsiders, people who had no control over their own lives. I identified with women in their struggles against oppression, with the working class in their struggles against exploitation and with the Third World in their struggles against imperialism and poverty." -- Bob Cant

THE BEDSIDE TABLE
"Here's What We'll Say: Growing Up, Coming Out, and the U.S. Air Force Academy" by Reichen Lehmkuhl
Reichen Lehmkuhl was playing the role of his life while in the Air Force. Not wanting to face a court martial for being gay, he had to live in a world where he had to watch everything he did and said for fear of being outed; and in another world where he was free to be himself. “One of the hardest things for me to reconcile was the fact that I was completely open with my family and friends but faced the very real possibility of being court martialed and going to jail if I was open with my 'work' colleagues.” As Reichen explains, “The don’t ask don’t tell policy is so contradictory to what the Air Force and all the armed forces stand for ... but they force you to lie in order to serve your country.” It was the contradictions which led Reichen to leave the Air Force once he completed his commitment. Happenstance brought Reichen to meet a friend at a Los Angeles restaurant where he was approached by the casting director for “The Amazing Race.” Reichen believes his military training was extremely helpful in his winning the show’s million dollar prize.

This work is copyright© 2006 Thomas Allen Heald, all rights reserved. Contact the author at tom@idontgetit.org and the latest column are always available at www.Pridelets.com.

The Pridelets Files for October 15

On this day in 1998, "Out of the Past" makes its debut on PBS. The Sundance Film Festival "Audience Award"-winning documentary (narrated by Hollywood heavyweights Stephen Spinella, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Edward Norton) contrasts the courage of Utah high school student Kelli Peterson and her struggle to form a Gay-Straight Alliance against over 400 years worth of gay history, from the diary of 17th-century Puritan clerk Michael Wigglesworth and "banned" Boston "marriage" of Sarah Orne Jewett and Annie Fields to the work of civil rights dreamers Bayard Rustin and Barbara Gittings.

BIRTHGAYS (and the occasional straights)
* 70 B.C. - The poet Virgil
* 1696 - English courtier and political writer and memoirist Lord (John) Hervey
* 1928 - Historian Michael Foucalt
* 1930 - "Tearoom Trade: Impersonal Sex in Public Places" author, sociologist, and activist "Laud" (Robert Allan) Humphreys
* 1941 - "The Early Homosexual Rights Movement" author and NAMBLA spokesman David Thorstad
* 1947 - "Sexually Dangerous Poet" author Walta Borawski

Q.UOTE
"Being gay is a spectacular irrelevance to getting on with your life." -- Clive Barker

THE BEDSIDE TABLE
"America's Boy : A Memoir" by Wade Rouse
In the tradition of such quirky and smart coming-of-age memoirs as Augusten Burroughs’s Running with Scissors and Haven Kimmel’s A Girl Named Zippy, America’s Boy is an arresting and funny tale of growing up different in America’s heartland.
Wade didn’t quite fit in. While schoolmates had crew cuts and wore Wrangler jeans, Wade styled his hair in imitation of Robbie Benson circa Ice Castles and shopped in the Sears husky section. Wade’s father insisted on calling everyone "honey"—even male gas station attendants. His mother punctuated her conversations with "WHAT?!" and constantly answered herself as though she was being cross-examined. He goes to school with a pack of kids called goat ropers who make the boys from Deliverance look like honor students. And he both loved and hated his perfect older brother.
While other families traveled to Florida and Hawaii for vacation, Wade’s family packed their clothes in garbage bags and drove to their log cabin on Sugar Creek in the Missouri Ozarks. And it is here that Wade found refuge from his everyday struggle to fit in—until a sudden, terrible accident on the Fourth of July took his brother’s life and changed everything.
Equally nostalgic, poignant, funny, and compelling, this is a story of what it is to be normal, what it means to fit in, and what it means to be yourself.

This work is copyright© 2006 Thomas Allen Heald, all rights reserved. Contact the author at tom@idontgetit.org and the latest column are always available at www.Pridelets.com.

The Pridelets Files for October 14

On this day in 1999, David Knight blasts his father, California State Senator Pete Knight, for his homophobia and support of "The Knight Iniative" a bill against same sex marriage in the name of "Family values." Writes the younger Knight, "I believe, based on my experience, that his is a blind, uncaring, uninformed, knee-jerk reaction to a subject about which he knows nothing and wants to know nothing, but which serves his political career. How can I say this? For one thing, he has never discussed my homosexuality with me, and I know that he never discussed the issue with his gay brother, who died of AIDS three years ago. ... My father’s idea of family values is very different from mine. He insists his are right and mine are wrong. I’m deeply sorry that my father feels that he can no longer be a part of my life. I miss him. But I cannot and will not change the person that I am, and I must speak out publicly about what I perceive to be his willful, blind ignorance on this issue. Gay people are forming strong, loving families. Understanding and accepting this will make our communities stronger and safer places to live."

BIRTHGAYS (and the occasional straights)
* 1844 - Philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche
* 1856 - British author Vernon Lee
* 1885 - Short story author Katherine Mansfield
* 1892 - Franklin D. Roosevelt's undersecretary of state, Sumner Welles (who lost his career because of gossip about his orientation)
* 1888 - New Zealand author Katherine Mansfield
* 1905 - photographer Ruth Bernhard
* 1947 - Meridian Theatre founder, "Standing By" author Terry Miller
* 1948 - Pornographer Christopher Rage, the Master of Sleaze"
* 1951 - Artist Janet Cooling
* 1961 - Designer and occasional talk show host Isaac Mizrahi

Q.UOTE
"The protesters at anti-gay events do an excellent job confirming the worst fears and stereotypes of the homophobes attending them." -- Darrell Grizzle

THE BEDSIDE TABLE
"Going to Heaven: The Life and Election of Bishop Gene Robinson" by Elizabeth Adams

A sharecropper’s son, Gene Robinson rose to become an Episcopal priest and later, the first openly gay bishop in the Anglican Church. His election set off a worldwide firestorm of reaction, both positive and negative. Based on extensive interviews with Bishop Robinson and the people around him, Going to Heaven paints a portrait of the man who is, as he puts it, “neither the angel nor the devil some would make me out to be.” The book illuminates his early life; his struggle with his sexual orientation; his calling into the church; and finally, the tumultuous events surrounding his election and consecration. Gene Robinson’s life is a compelling story of challenges overcome by hard work, humor, and deep faith, but it is also a story of one man’s journey into his own “otherness” and the emergence of a ministry that speaks to countless people who believe in a Gospel of love and inclusion.

This work is copyright© 2006 Thomas Allen Heald, all rights reserved. Contact the author at tom@idontgetit.org and the latest column are always available at www.Pridelets.com.